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I’m very private, so it feels weird when other people overshare on social media. Plus, Sandy hasn’t started a conversation with me in a long time. I have young children at home and a demanding work schedule. I often feel exhausted and unable to manage everything, but I refrain from airing these issues publicly and only share these things within my friend group.
Should I contact Sandy to note her recent posts and ask how I can support her? If the answer is yes, how should I handle my dissatisfaction with her choices?
Confused: Some people use social media to basically expose their emotional trash cans and air every thought, emotion, and recent meal. This can seem very ill-advised or even performative, as this is a way to garner a lot of pity and pity from your followers.
You don’t like this, but some people do. Having access to other people’s struggles can help other social media users feel less alone. “Sandy” found his outlet. She may feel that being open publicly allows her to be more present to her close personal friends. She is venting to the crowd. As a result, she will free up space for your group her chat.
You may be confused by her choices, but judging her too harshly won’t help you either. She shares her frustrations and challenges publicly on social media, and you share her frustrations and challenges with the people reading this column. Yes, please contact Sandy personally to check in. However, don’t criticize her for sharing too much. She broadcasts using her favorite channel. You have to respond using yours.
Dear Amy: The other day I was talking to my husband about a little lie he told me. I told you that lies are not allowed! I’m much less upset about the truth than a small lie.
During the conversation, he told another lie, which was easily discovered in the search history on his tablet. He invited me to this, but he thought he had deleted his cell phone history, so he obviously didn’t expect me to be able to find it. By the way, this wasn’t what I was worried about. After all, he’s a man and I’m not stupid.
When I caught him and called out to him, he got defensive and wouldn’t give me the comfort of getting through this. Now I’m at a loss. If he starts telling little lies to my face, I’m worried when he’ll start telling big lies.
lost: It is very unrealistic to expect your husband to comfort you after his lies are exposed. At that moment, he feels more sorry for himself than he does for you. And maybe you should feel sorry for him too.
Unless he’s completely arrogant, lying about small things for no reason is cowardly. His lies make it clear that he doesn’t really trust you. He is afraid of your reaction or afraid of disappointing you. And indeed, I believe that once this takes root, small lies lead to big lies. You and your husband should check out the latest book by renowned relationship researchers Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman, “Fighting Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection” (2024, Harmony) That’s a good idea.
Dear Amy: Every time you try to answer a question about cannabis use, you expose how outdated and ignorant you are. Marijuana is a medicinal herb that has been used for thousands of years. Now it’s legal to use it, so no one should have a problem with it.
Happy: Sober people suffer from the practical effects of trying to live with people who are not sober. Being the designated driver all the time is a hindrance.
© 2024 Written by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
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