The MTA is rife with crimes that even robots can’t solve.

Johnny Oleksinski

opinion

by Johnny Oleksinski

Last Thursday at 10:25 a.m., a foreign tourist was slashed in the neck by a knife-wielding maniac at the Queen’s Plaza subway station in Long Island City.

Police have not yet caught the thug.

As a result, a manager at the nearby headquarters of a major company told me that his employees were afraid to come into the office.

Days later, alarming data from the NYPD revealed that underground crime had increased by 20% in the first two months of 2024 compared to the same period last year.

What this city needs is a hero.

look! Up in the sky!

It’s a bird!

It’s an airplane!

That’s superpaid bureaucracy!

Taking action – or really, spinning – our city’s bravest and boldest thinking problem solvers, the Metropolitan Transportation Authority, have announced a highly innovative solution. Those geniuses end up spending his $21 million on new light bulbs.

We are saved!

That’s exactly what the MTA needs to fix its 120-year-old subway system in the world’s financial and media capital: quick access to production plants.

“It’s simple: A brighter station is a safer station,” said MTA Chairman Rich Davey, Underground Mr. Bean.

Almost useless in Times Square.

That’s right, Richie. After all, the blinding sea of ​​light had a stunning effect on Times Square, where two New York City police officers were brutally assaulted by a group of immigrants last month.

Surveillance cameras showed a clearer picture of the battle.

Miracle LED light bulbs are scheduled to be installed in New York transit projects by 2026 on a relatively quick schedule.

That’s just two years after a stupid congestion pricing system flooded a woefully unprepared system with new passengers.

And it just so happened that FIFA World Cup participants could clearly see the sights of trash-strewn tunnels and homeless people napping on benches.

Happy days are here again.

This funny lightbulb moment is just the latest in a series of Homer Simpson-style efforts by the city to improve train safety and make other big cities laugh with envy.

For the first time in October 2022, there will be turnstile guards wearing orange vests. They were supposed to deter fare violators with their intimidating presence.

Of course, New Yorkers are notorious for caring what others think about their outlandish behavior and acting accordingly.

Two years later, and costing taxpayers millions of dollars, they’ve been transformed into Wal-Mart fronts for casual lawbreakers.

“Welcome! Welcome!”

They have no power to issue fines or arrest anyone. That’s great, but they’re sitting on the sidelines doing nothing, checking Instagram instead.

Since the elementary school crossing security operation failed, the MTA has been testing ultra-secure swing gates that prevent losers from easily passing under or jumping over.

It costs about $700,000 to install one subway station.

There are 472 in the city.

Just wave your hand

It took about two minutes for a bored TikTok user to discover a hack that involved simply waving your hand in front of a sensor and keeping walking.

A Post reporter admitted that getting free admission was easier than dispensing soap in the LaGuardia bathroom.

And who can forget the $12,500 K5 Nightscope? This is the big, honking police robot that became Cousin Oliver of the Times Square subway station in “The Brady Bunch.”

He was fired two weeks ago after K5 was KOed after just six months.

Mayor Adams finally announced a really smart plan this week. More New York City police officers, or humans, will be stationed at stations and platforms.

wonderful. But that movement may be too little or too slow.

Police officers have resigned en masse over the past two years. Therefore, with reduced troop strength, these mobile shifts must last for grueling 12 hours.

“The officers are going to be exhausted,” former New York City Police Commissioner Bill Bratton said on WOR Radio’s “Len Berman and Michael Riedel in the Morning.”

“Most of those officers have never worked on the subway. They’re not subway transit cops. They’re street cops. They don’t want to be there.”

Can you believe it?

New York City’s best hope for a safe commute in 2024 is a shipment of light bulbs.